Wiping the Slate Clean
This space has been quiet for awhile. Part of it has been unintentional - life happens and stuff - but part of it has been because I just don’t know what to say (write?). In the past 3 months I have - moved, gotten divorced (or more accurately, am in the process of doing so), been trying to find a new job, had a little nephew come into the world, and had all of the regular life stuff that we all deal with. And it’s been a rough 3 months. Between all of that, I have found myself at a several points asking myself “what do I want?” What I want in training? What do I want in my career? What do I want for this space? Etc. And the honest answer is…I don’t know. But I want to find out. As someone who is very introverted and extremely unconfident, I have found myself struggling to find my footing in answering those questions. In an attempt to practice being more emotive and open, I’ve overstated my own importance - I shared more instead of letting others share more. In an attempt to find some sort of confidence, I’ve come off as narcissistic and self-centered. In trying to show others how much I truly care about them and their success, I’ve over-emphasized my role. In short, in trying to correct things, I overcorrected and made mistakes. And now I’m struggling to find the middle ground.
I have never, ever deliberately tried to be inauthentic or disingenuous, but perception is reality, and the reality that I could be perceived that way is not lost on me. I value honesty and authenticity above most things and the fact that there is even a possibility of others perceiving me as neither one of those things...well, it’s soul crushing. And for all those things, I apologize.
So what will happen with this space? I still don’t know. It will continue to exist. It will probably change in some way. If you’ve stuck around, THANK YOU. I hope you’ll stay to see what’s next.